Psalm 139:7 Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence?
As I look back on my life now, there is no doubt that God was protecting, and chasing me, the Hound of Heaven is relentless. But while he was chasing me I was by no means seeking Him, not even close, in fact I was running away. I had no Idea God was allowing my life to develop the way it was for His personal purpose, and for me. As it turned out Grand Mother was right, God wasnâ€™t done, and still isnâ€™t, He was allowing me to struggle through many trials and tribulations of life and many more, trials, tribulations and great things were yet to happen, including almost dead number 5. When He finally created the circumstances that drew me back to Him for good, He wanted me ready. The fact I was so hard headed, self centered and independent, was in some part due to the family life I told you about earlier, we were a very dysfunctional family. Things continued to get worse at home with Father drinking, and Mother very self willed, and out spoken. It got to where I couldnâ€™t take it any more and told Mother to get rid of him, or I was leaving, she didnâ€™t, and I did. I was 16 at the time, it was a cowardly way out, but I did it any way. There were some good influences around from time to time some other family members like Grand Parents, Aunts, Uncles etc. But their positive input wasnâ€™t obvious to me at the time, Besides I was 16 and knew everything.
Looking back I wonder, why me God? but in a positive sense, not in the negative. I wrestled with God in so many ways, for so many years, I fought Him off many times, and kept promising a return to Him, but didnâ€™t. I was not faithful, but God was, is, and will always be faithful.
Numbers 23:19 “God is not a man, that He should lie, Nor a son of man, that He should repent; Has He said, and will He not do it? OrÂ has He spoken, and will He not make it good?